“Oh, that’s a cute one, evolution! What is that?”“It’s a hyrax! It pees in holes.”“Huh.”“Guess what it’s most closely related to.”“I don’t know, what?”“No, guess.”“I mean… rodents, right? It’s a rodent?”“Nope. Teeth are different.”“Oh. Um, is it some kind of tiny fat dog?““What? No.”“Oh! Is it like that weird miniature deer you did?”“Ha, no. That was a good one, though.”“Okay, fine. I give up. What is the hyrax most closely related to?”“Elephants and manatees.”“Really?”“Yep.”“Nothing in between?”“Not really, no.”“I just… how? Why?”“Dunno. I like messing with you, mostly.”Image Source: Bjørn Christian Tørrissen / Wikimedia Commons / licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0
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“Oh, that’s a cute one, evolution! What is that?”

“It’s a hyrax! It pees in holes.”

“Huh.”

“Guess what it’s most closely related to.”

“I don’t know, what?”

“No, guess.”

“I mean… rodents, right? It’s a rodent?”

“Nope. Teeth are different.”

“Oh. Um, is it some kind of tiny fat dog?“

“What? No.”

“Oh! Is it like that weird miniature deer you did?”

“Ha, no. That was a good one, though.”

“Okay, fine. I give up. What is the hyrax most closely related to?”

“Elephants and manatees.”

“Really?”

“Yep.”

“Nothing in between?”

“Not really, no.”

“I just… how? Why?”

“Dunno. I like messing with you, mostly.”

Image Source: Bjørn Christian Tørrissen / Wikimedia Commons / licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0

“That’s a cute little bug, evolution!”“Yes, thank you! It’s a beaded lacewing. I’m just finishing up the larval form’s feeding mechanism now.”“Oh yeah? What do the larvae eat?”“Termites.”“Hm. Those can be hard to catch, can’t they? Don’t you want to give the lacewing some stronger legs or giant trap-jaws or something?”“Nah, it’s fine. It’s going to paralyze the termites first.”“Paralyze them? How will it do that?”“With toxic gas.”“Come on, where does it get toxic gas?”“From its anus.”“… I’m sorry, what?”“It can release toxic gas from its anus.” “Okay, but…”“It sneaks up and farts on the termites’ heads until they pass out, and then it eats them. I don’t know what you’re not getting about this.”“I just… I don’t… um…”“It’s doing the termites a favor, really. That way they don’t have to feel it when the lacewing punctures their abdomen with its mouthparts and starts digesting them from the inside. Anyway, break for lunch?”“No thanks, I think I’m good.”Source: Flickr / cotinis / licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0Read more: Silent and Deadly: Fatal Farts Immobilize Prey by Gwen Pearson at WIRED
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“That’s a cute little bug, evolution!”

“Yes, thank you! It’s a beaded lacewing. I’m just finishing up the larval form’s feeding mechanism now.”

“Oh yeah? What do the larvae eat?”

“Termites.”

“Hm. Those can be hard to catch, can’t they? Don’t you want to give the lacewing some stronger legs or giant trap-jaws or something?”

“Nah, it’s fine. It’s going to paralyze the termites first.”

“Paralyze them? How will it do that?”

“With toxic gas.”

“Come on, where does it get toxic gas?”

“From its anus.”

“… I’m sorry, what?”

“It can release toxic gas from its anus.” 

“Okay, but…”

“It sneaks up and farts on the termites’ heads until they pass out, and then it eats them. I don’t know what you’re not getting about this.”

“I just… I don’t… um…”

“It’s doing the termites a favor, really. That way they don’t have to feel it when the lacewing punctures their abdomen with its mouthparts and starts digesting them from the inside. Anyway, break for lunch?”

“No thanks, I think I’m good.”

Source: Flickr / cotinis / licensed under CC BY-NC-SA 2.0
Read more: Silent and Deadly: Fatal Farts Immobilize Prey by Gwen Pearson at WIRED

“Oh man, I just learned a cool trick with the trap-jaw ant.”

“What’s that, evolution?”

“Well, I gave them those huuuuuge snapping mandibles to crush prey, right?”

“Yeah, those seem effective.”

“They’re working great. And I just realized they can help it with predators, too.”

“Really? Aren’t its predators huge?”

“Yeah, but if the ant snaps those big jaws against the ground, it can catapult itself it into the air.”

“Catapult?”

“Yeah! It just kind of flings itself away from the attacker at great speed.”

“Huh, okay. And what’s going to happen when it comes back down?”

“Oh, come on, I can’t figure everything out.”

Source: Sheila Patek et al., UC Berkeley

“Evolution, what are those flatworms doing?”“Oh, they’re getting ready to penis-fence.”“Penis… fence?”“Yeah. They’re hermaphrodites, so either of them can inseminate the other one to reproduce, but neither one actually wants to be inseminated.”“They… don’t?”“Well, no. It’s much easier to be the inseminator. I kind of set it up so that actually bearing the offspring totally sucks. Haha, whoops!”“So… they’re going to…”“Try to stab each other with their two-pronged penises while simultaneously avoiding getting stabbed themselves, yes.”“Jesus.”“The good news is that there’s no real reproductive opening, so they can just pierce the skin wherever and get the sperm in.”“That’s the good news?”“Well, I thought so. Ooh, they’re starting! Fatherhood to the victor!”“It is way too early in the morning for this.”Source: Wikimedia Commons / Photo courtesy of Nico Michiels / licensed under CC BY 2.5BAY AREA! I’m reading tonight at Books Inc. Berkeley. Come say hello!
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“Evolution, what are those flatworms doing?”

“Oh, they’re getting ready to penis-fence.”

“Penis… fence?”

“Yeah. They’re hermaphrodites, so either of them can inseminate the other one to reproduce, but neither one actually wants to be inseminated.”

“They… don’t?”

“Well, no. It’s much easier to be the inseminator. I kind of set it up so that actually bearing the offspring totally sucks. Haha, whoops!”

“So… they’re going to…”

“Try to stab each other with their two-pronged penises while simultaneously avoiding getting stabbed themselves, yes.”

“Jesus.”

“The good news is that there’s no real reproductive opening, so they can just pierce the skin wherever and get the sperm in.”

“That’s the good news?”

“Well, I thought so. Ooh, they’re starting! Fatherhood to the victor!”

“It is way too early in the morning for this.”

Source: Wikimedia Commons / Photo courtesy of Nico Michiels / licensed under CC BY 2.5

BAY AREA! I’m reading tonight at Books Inc. Berkeley. Come say hello!

“Ooh, that’s a nice fish, evolution.”“Oh, thanks! I’m pleased.”“What is it called?”“This one’s a pearlfish.”“Lovely. And what does it eat?”“Little invertebrates, that kind of thing.”“Delightful. And where does it live?”“Inside the anus of a sea cucumber.”"Oh, for Christ’s sake.”“What? It’s a fine place. Safe, sheltered, just the right size for the fish to squeeze in.”"And you were doing so well for a minute there, too.”Source: Wikimedia Commons / Alessandro Pagano / licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0
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“Ooh, that’s a nice fish, evolution.”

“Oh, thanks! I’m pleased.”

“What is it called?”

“This one’s a pearlfish.”

“Lovely. And what does it eat?”

“Little invertebrates, that kind of thing.”

“Delightful. And where does it live?”

“Inside the anus of a sea cucumber.”

"Oh, for Christ’s sake.”

“What? It’s a fine place. Safe, sheltered, just the right size for the fish to squeeze in.”

"And you were doing so well for a minute there, too.”

Source: Wikimedia Commons / Alessandro Pagano / licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0

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