“Check out this awesome dance move I invented.”
“Oh god, evolution, please stop doing that.”
“What? It’s called ‘pronking.’ All the springbok are into it.”
“I can’t take you anywhere.”
Source: BBC
A female kangaroo is always pregnant. While one joey grows in her pouch, another one gestates in one of her two uteruses. As soon as the developed joey leaves the pouch, the next one is ready to come down the pipe—of which, by the way, she has three. Happy Mother’s Day.
Source: Flickr / thedepartment
“I’m getting tired of making insects that just hatch, eat, mate, and die.”
“Well, what else are they supposed to do? Seems like you’ve hit all the major requirements there, evolution.”
“I don’t know, something more interesting.”
“Like what?”
“Like maybe hatch underground, putter around down there for 17 years, emerge in massive swarms that tear through the countryside and dive-bomb weddings and generally freak everyone the hell out for a while, and then eat, mate, and die.”
“Hm. ‘Interesting’ is one word for that.”
“I can see it now. The 17-year cicadas: Just when you thought you could forget.”
“That’s ridiculous. You watch too many movies.”
“BZZZ, motherf—ers! BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.”
Source: Flickr / dharma_for_one
To trigger the nurturing instincts that compel their parents to feed them, newborn animals often appear sweet, helpless and overwhelmingly adorable. Evolution apparently wishes baby birds would starve.
Source: Flickr / d-a-n-i-e-l
Evolution is not sure why you’re so obsessed with finding “aliens.” I mean, it already made the stalk-eyed fly.
Source: BBC
Everyone occasionally worries that they’re getting a little predictable. Most of us deal with it by changing our hairstyle, having an ill-advised fling, or buying a new instrument we’ll never actually learn to play. Evolution makes weird lumpy fish that breathe air, puke mud and flop around like deranged garden hoses. Same difference.
Source: BBC
Seems like everyone could use a hug this week. Good thing evolution gave the blue-ringed octopus all those arms.
(Disclaimer: The blue-ringed octopus is venomous. Please do not actually attempt to hug one.)
Source: Flickr / atlantishotel
You know that game where you draw the first part of something, fold the paper over, then hand it to someone else, who has to add the next part without seeing what you did? That’s basically how evolution made the marabou stork.
Source: Flickr / tariquesani
“Hey, evolution, remember when you tried making that fish with paired butt fins?”
“I don’t want to talk about that.”
“Why not? I thought it was an awesome idea.”
“Shut up.”
“No, seriously. I think you should bring those back. Call them ‘feathery buttfish’ or something.”
“It’s been 370 million years, okay? Cut me a break.”
“‘Magnificent ass-flappers.’”
“I hate you.”
Source: livescience.com
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