Man, that guineafowl you made before sure was ridic—
Whoa. Whoa, hey, what is that? It looks a little bit—
I’m not sure that’s really—
Oh god, evolution, what did you—
You didn’t have to go and—ow!
Wait, no, what is it—ow!—oh, Jesus. I’m so sorry I made fun of your other bird, okay? Please just call off the bone-crunching vulture and let’s talk about this.
Source: Flickr / blacktigersdream
"Hey, evolution, what are you working on?"
"Come on, show me."
"I don’t want to."
"Aw, why not?"
"Because you’re going to think it looks stupid."
"What? No I’m not."
"Yes you are. You always do."
"Don’t be ridiculous. Aren’t we friends?"
"Fine. Here. It’s called a crested guineafowl."
"Oh my god, what happened to its head? It looks like you transplanted it from a smaller, uglier animal."
"I hate you."
"Okay, evolution, what the hell is that?"
"A marvelous spatuletail hummingbird. Obviously."
"And what the hell is he doing?”
"A sexy mating dance. Obviously.”
"Don’t those big dangly tail feathers make it hard for him to fly?"
"Oh, yeah, he can’t fly for more than a few seconds. Total pain in the ass."
"Then why put them there?"
"For the sexy mating dance. Are you even paying attention?"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, evolution. There’s no way that’s going to fit."
"No, it won’t."
"Yes, it will!"
"No, it won’t! You need to give the great blue heron some teeth or something if you expect it to eat fish bigger than its head."
"Teeth on a bird? That’s ridiculous. It’s fine, it’ll fit."
"It won’t. Don’t force it! What if the heron chokes to death?”
"Oh, come on. I made its throat a little stretchy; I’m sure it can deal."
In which WTF, Evolution? collaborates with the esteemed nerds over at Scientific American. Featuring clumsy penguins, gangly giraffes, and the sexiest birds on Earth. Check it out, weirdos.