One night evolution had a vision of a world where things were perfect. Life coexisted peacefully with other life; nobody fought or died or ate each other’s entrails. There were no monsters in the ocean, only leafy sea dragons, fluttering calmly back and forth to keep everyone safe. It was a world of serenity, a world of quiet splendor, where everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.
Source: Flickr / wolf-t
Everyone occasionally worries that they’re getting a little predictable. Most of us deal with it by changing our hairstyle, having an ill-advised fling, or buying a new instrument we’ll never actually learn to play. Evolution makes weird lumpy fish that breathe air, puke mud and flop around like deranged garden hoses. Same difference.
"Hey, evolution, remember when you tried making that fish with paired butt fins?”
"I don’t want to talk about that."
"Why not? I thought it was an awesome idea.”
"No, seriously. I think you should bring those back. Call them ‘feathery buttfish’ or something."
"It’s been 370 million years, okay? Cut me a break."
"I hate you."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, evolution. There’s no way that’s going to fit."
"No, it won’t."
"Yes, it will!"
"No, it won’t! You need to give the great blue heron some teeth or something if you expect it to eat fish bigger than its head."
"Teeth on a bird? That’s ridiculous. It’s fine, it’ll fit."
"It won’t. Don’t force it! What if the heron chokes to death?”
"Oh, come on. I made its throat a little stretchy; I’m sure it can deal."
In which WTF, Evolution? collaborates with the esteemed nerds over at Scientific American. Featuring clumsy penguins, gangly giraffes, and the sexiest birds on Earth. Check it out, weirdos.
You know what’s awesome? Teeth! Teeth are great. You can use teeth to chew things up, grind things down, bite things that are annoying you or kill things that you want to eat. Teeth are just so helpful. The more teeth the better, as far as evolution is concerned. The sheepshead fish must be so pleased.