Everyone occasionally worries that they’re getting a little predictable. Most of us deal with it by changing our hairstyle, having an ill-advised fling, or buying a new instrument we’ll never actually learn to play. Evolution makes weird lumpy fish that breathe air, puke mud and flop around like deranged garden hoses. Same difference.
Source: BBC
“Hey, evolution, remember when you tried making that fish with paired butt fins?”
“I don’t want to talk about that.”
“Why not? I thought it was an awesome idea.”
“Shut up.”
“No, seriously. I think you should bring those back. Call them ‘feathery buttfish’ or something.”
“It’s been 370 million years, okay? Cut me a break.”
“‘Magnificent ass-flappers.’”
“I hate you.”
Source: livescience.com
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, evolution. There’s no way that’s going to fit.”
“It’ll fit.”
“No, it won’t.”
“Yes, it will!”
“No, it won’t! You need to give the great blue heron some teeth or something if you expect it to eat fish bigger than its head.”
“Teeth on a bird? That’s ridiculous. It’s fine, it’ll fit.”
“It won’t. Don’t force it! What if the heron chokes to death?”
“Oh, come on. I made its throat a little stretchy; I’m sure it can deal.”
Source: telegraph.co.uk
In which WTF, Evolution? collaborates with the esteemed nerds over at Scientific American. Featuring clumsy penguins, gangly giraffes, and the sexiest birds on Earth. Check it out, weirdos.
You know what’s awesome? Teeth! Teeth are great. You can use teeth to chew things up, grind things down, bite things that are annoying you or kill things that you want to eat. Teeth are just so helpful. The more teeth the better, as far as evolution is concerned. The sheepshead fish must be so pleased.
Source: blogs.scientificamerican.com
“Oh, man. I just had the best idea.”
“Let’s hear it, evolution.”
“You know how everything is better deep-fried?”
“Wait, what?”
“That other batfish was nothing. Look: pancake batfish. Pancake batfish! I’m a genius.”
“God, you’re weird.”
Source: species.asu.edu
Sometimes evolution produces ridiculous creatures like the sarcastic fringehead just to watch them fight. Immature? Possibly. But you try keeping yourself amused for 3.8 billion years.
The hairy frogfish cannot believe what you’ve done to it, evolution. It’s simply at a loss.
Source: Flickr / buzzthediver
Don’t even ask about the goblin shark, okay? Evolution was in a pretty weird place during the Cretaceous Period and would rather not be reminded.
Source: dsc.discovery.com
Dark thoughts keep evolution awake some nights. It tosses and turns for hours, tormented by visions of creatures too twisted for anyone else to see—creatures, like the stargazer fish, that it knows no decent natural force would ever even imagine. In a desperate attempt to feel normal evolution tries to bury these demons within the murky sand of its subconscious. Deep down, though, it knows that this is a futile effort—that sooner or later, the beasts will creep back out.
Source: National Geographic
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